Ep.17: How beliefs are formed and how you can finally break out of your self-sabotage cycle once and for all.
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[00:00:00] Welcome back to the Rise to Her podcast. Guys, this is going to be the second time that I've recorded this specific episode because the first one didn't save. But, that's okay. That just means it's going to be bigger and better than ever. Because the universe is always working in our favor. How are you guys?
I hope you're doing good. I'm doing good. Um, if you're watching the video, you can see I'm still in my childhood room. Um, it has been almost three weeks. We move into our new place next week, which I'm very excited about. Um, we were chatting with our, my parents, my partner and I, and they were asking what we were enjoying specifically about being at their house for this month.
And we had two different answers, but it kind of made me, you know, giggle and then think how can we begin to cultivate that when we move into our new house. Like the reprieve that it gave us. So for me, it was not having to worry about cleaning because they have a cleaner that comes twice a month and my mom is a very clean individual and is always picking up [00:01:00] and doing things.
Um, and just not having to worry about it was really nice, and you're not in your space, so it's a little bit different. And then Mary Kate's was that dinner was ready when she got home, but specifically she didn't have to cook it. Because in our house, she does the cooking. That's something she enjoys. But you know, after a 12 hour work day, that can be really tiring.
So we were thinking, how can we kind of add to that? continue that reprieve in a way that honors our souls and our needs. So, I'll keep you guys updated on what we decide to do moving forward to relieve the pressures of always keeping the house clean, especially with two dogs, and two dogs that shed quite a bit, and you gotta eat yourself, whoa, and you gotta feed yourself, um, and So, what can we do to relieve the burden of cooking, when it definitely does not light up my soul, and on her long days, she doesn't want to come home and cook, so what can we do?
And how can we [00:02:00] shift things to set us up for success, because at the end of the day, this is all about creating a life that we want to live, that lights us up, because there is no time like the present to begin shifting into reality, that fuels you, that makes you excited to wake up. But for so many of us, we accept that being stuck is just kind of where we're at.
Welcome to rise to her podcast, where we explore the journey of women, rising to the highest version of themselves and embracing a life of ease and alignment. I'm your host, Emily Greenway, a certified mindfulness and life coach with a background in public health. Over the past six years, I've worked with women from all walks of life to help them overcome their limiting beliefs, heal their past and step into a powerful healed version of themselves.
No matter what cards life has dealt you, there is a way to take back control, and I'm here to teach you how. In this podcast, we'll dive into the art and [00:03:00] science of creating a life filled with ease and joy. Join me as we explore practical strategies to rise above mere survival and truly flourish. In each episode, we'll delve deep into the intersection of science and personal experience, uncovering insights to elevate your mindset and harness the power of your brain.
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So today we're going to be talking about beliefs and how beliefs shape your reality, how we can begin to break free from self sabotage and the unwanted cycles, what you need to know about the brain, how beliefs are formed and how you can begin to break the cycles that are not serving you. So [00:04:00] I'm curious, how many of you have ever felt stuck in a cycle, doing the same thing over and over, even though you know, you know so deeply that it is not what you want?
If you're not along saying, yep, it's that way in my relationships, or it's that way in my eating, or in how I talk to myself, or how I work, you are not alone. And I need you to hear me that the thing that is keeping you in that cycle is not because you suck It's not because you lack self discipline It is because your beliefs are keeping you in that cycle Beliefs are Deeply held in the brain and drive our decision making and our behaviors and we aren't taught this fact We're taught that beliefs are absolute truths, but in fact, most of the time they were formed unconsciously before we were seven years old or in times of [00:05:00] trauma or high emotions.
And then they go on to drive our behaviors without us ever even knowing this. And they drive our thoughts, our behaviors, and our decisions. So when we have a cycle, a pattern, a way of life that is not serving us. We got to switch our beliefs. So today we're going to dive into how beliefs are formed, why they're so dang powerful, and how they shape your reality.
And this reality can lead us to self sabotage, keeping us trapped in these cycles that we want to break free from. This can be applied to any part of our life because it all, it's all encompassing. So, I want to start with a definition of beliefs. Um, beliefs are assumptions, keyword assumptions, that we hold to be true.
Often formed in childhood or from significant life experiences. They're formed in one of three ways. One, through repetition. Through repeated [00:06:00] thoughts or experiences, these things cement the beliefs over time. Number two, the second way beliefs can be formed is how heightened, is through heightened emotional states.
And when we're in a heightened emotional state, whether really excited, really sad, really stressed out, it can actually lead beliefs to be formed more quickly. And they, and so if you've ever had a traumatic experience, maybe with, A car accident or a relationship, and you were like, I was never that way before that experience.
And then afterwards it was like it almost immediately took over me and I would get triggered. Or as soon as someone would say something, it would make me feel like I was unsafe. You're like, how did that happen so fast? It's because we were in such a high emotional situation. So if we had a volatile childhood, an unstable childhood and emotions were always high.
We were riding the roller coaster, we formed beliefs really quickly, they were, they were really [00:07:00] solidified, and that's why they keep showing up. The other way beliefs are formed is we begin to gather evidence through external proof and they begin to reinforce our beliefs, even if it's inaccurate, because it leads us to confirmation bias.
Our brains are always looking to fill in gaps with belief systems. Because we have over 30, 000 decisions that we make on a daily basis, it has to use subconscious behaviors. Subconscious means it is not in, it is not a conscious thought out decision. It just happens automatically. And those things that happen automatically are based on the beliefs that we hold.
And that drives things such as decision making. Even if the beliefs are limited, so limiting you, it And who you want to be, how you want to look, or feel, or date, or love, or they're outdated. It doesn't matter if the brain is using them to bypass [00:08:00] critical thinking. Because it has so many decisions to make.
And the thing is, we're not saying we need to all of a sudden become conscious of every single thought that we're having, because that would be exhausting. But what we are saying here is that to begin to rise to your highest self, you need to step back and say, what's not serving me? Because if it's not serving you, it's not serving the planet.
It's not serving your relationships. And we can shift it. There is power in this awareness.
If you're a highly ambitious woman, you already know the effort and discipline it takes to achieve your goals. Unfortunately though, most exhausted high achievers make the costly mistake of only defining success within the masculine energy realm and never defining their personal values when it comes to the success in life that they want.
But without connecting to your intuition, without defining what your soul needs, you'll waste your entire [00:09:00] life achieving Plenty of external goals and metrics of success while getting burnt out, unfulfilled, and feeling isolated and used. And I do not want to continue to see women struggle creating a life that doesn't light them up because they have created their blueprint for success based on other people's opinions.
And that is why I created my brand new program, Aligned Ambition, for the highly ambitious women who are ready to go beyond what other people think about them and create a life that truly lights them up from the inside out. So if you've been questioning if your career, if your current stage in life is really all that is meant for you, and you have been looking for that thing to confirm.
If you should take the next step or what your step should even be, this is for you. I cannot wait to have you inside. I have a [00:10:00] priority list created just for you to find out the information when it launches next. So go ahead to the show notes and make sure to get on there. So you have first insight of when the doors open because seats go fast.
And I cannot wait to have you in the second launch of Aligned Ambition. It's going to be good.
Beliefs began to shape our reality Because they influence our cognitive lens Which is the brain's lens Our beliefs act as a filter They literally shape how we see and interact with the world For example, if you believe you are not good enough you have you hold that belief You'll likely ignore praise and you only focus on the times that you make mistakes and some of you are probably like Oh my god, that's me That's good information [00:11:00] because when we have the information we can then shift it.
Our brain will actually change how we perceive a situation by making it appear more threatening or less threatening depending upon the belief that we have. For example, if you have a belief that cats are dangerous and you see a cat, your brain fires neurons to tell you that you're in a heightened dangerous situation versus mine wouldn't have that response because I didn't hold this belief.
It increases the perceived threat via feedback loop. So it really changes how we perceive things. And that's why certain people see the world in very different ways, which leads me to the idea of a self fulfilling prophecy. Beliefs unconsciously lead us to act in a way that confirms them. [00:12:00] Because if our beliefs were not confirmed, we have cognitive dissonance, which is like a really anxious, unconfirming way, and when, in our brains, want more than anything to be certain.
Even if that means putting us in a situation that isn't, serving our highest good. They've done studies where people will actually give away a portion of their earnings just to be certain of what the outcome is. Think about people that do sales versus people that are like, no, I'll stay in a job that pays me 30, 000 because I know I'll make it versus people that have the potential to make quarter a half a million, a million dollars plus a year.
It's that risk aversion and understanding that our brains, if not, if we don't become consciously aware of it, will always shift us to certainty, even at our own expense. So if your relationships, your career, your personal growth is struggling, [00:13:00] I want you to ask yourself, where am I seeking certainty over what I really want?
Where is my brain shifting to? What is it giving up in order to confirm? That we can be certain about the outcome or about what we can expect.
Because self sabotage will be driven in your life by the beliefs that you hold, unless you break them apart.
For example, the belief like I'm not enough, or I don't deserve rest. Those are showing up in your life, like procrastination, overworking, people pleasing, or burnout. Because you have to confirm It's the feedback loop in your cycle. So, you need to start by looking at what you don't like in your life.
Because even those, these beliefs that you hold [00:14:00] are painful and they're causing burnout and overwhelm and your relationships to fall apart and you not to like yourself or your body. They're comfortable because they're consistent and the brain craves consistency and confidence. And they're comfortable because they align with your beliefs that you hold.
Because these beliefs then create predictable cycles, even if it's undesirable. That is how the brain works guys, and this is key to hacking into our reality. So let's talk about a few, let's talk about two examples of cycles that I see among many of the clients that I work with. The first one is the belief that success requires suffering.
Which then leads to the behavior of overworking, which then results in burnout, which reinforces the belief that success requires suffering. The next one, I must be, I must please everyone to be loved and accepted. That behavior leads you [00:15:00] to say yes to everything, which then leads you to be exhausted and resentful of other people thinking They don't do anything for me.
I'm the only one that does things which then feeds in Reinforces beliefs that is a feedback loop So you're saying alright Emily here You're telling me that my beliefs are causing me to be miserable or not like where I'm at. So what can I do about it? The first thing is awareness. I'm going to go through the three steps that you need to do to begin breaking free from these limiting beliefs and unwanted cycles.
And the first one is awareness. Awareness is key.
To begin diving into this work. Let's go back. And start by asking where in my life do I feel stuck. Where do I continue to see patterns that I don't want anymore?
And then what thoughts come up when you see those patterns? Those thoughts can give [00:16:00] way to the beliefs. Sit in the silence. Be honest with yourself. There's no reason to lie here. Because once we get information on what the beliefs are, we can then begin to transform them, shift our attention elsewhere. And then create sustainable and actionable habits that build new beliefs. This work transforms everything. Make sure to grab the journaling prompts in the show notes. And guys don't forget to join the grind culture rebellion. My brand new live training, that's happening November 4th.
We're going to talk about the beliefs that have resulted in so many of us burning out, but leaving them, we have to grind and hustle and struggle to have success. We're going to talk about the energetics, the spirituality principles of it, how we can begin to shift them. Doing this work, I'm going to give you really actionable steps so that when you walk away at the end of the week, you will know the next pivot. With full confidence that you need to have. And your relationship, your career, your [00:17:00] business, whatever it may be that you're coming in looking. To shift, to heal, to transform.
You will walk away knowing what your next step is. That link is also in the show notes. And then finally aligned ambition is going again, guys, make sure you get on the priority list because great news. We had a little shift. And it's more accessible than ever. And I'm really excited. It's going to be juicy. Um, it shifting into a membership. Because I want to support you.
This is not just a one-time thing. This work. Is really deep and I want to be able to get into everything. So. Boundaries. Energetics, um, attachment styles, all of those things that impact how we show up in the world. I want to give you the resources. To begin to figure out who your soul is. This is all about remembering and I'm here to support you.
I love you until next time. I'll see you then. Bye.
Thank you for joining me on this episode of rise to [00:18:00] her podcast, where we're dedicated to empowering women to embrace their highest selves and live a life of ease and alignment. If you enjoyed today's episode and want to continue this journey with me, make sure to give me a follow on Instagram at rise to her or on YouTube at rise to her.
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Thank you again for listening. Until next time, keep rising.
