EP 10: Asking The Right Questions Determines Your Life (Healing, Trauma, Relationships, And Career).
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[00:00:00] How the heck is everyone doing? Welcome back to the Rise to Her podcast. If this is your first time joining, welcome to the family. I'm excited you're here. If you have hung out with me before on the podcast, welcome back. I'm stoked to be here with you. I hope everyone had a lovely, lovely weekend. I spent my weekend up in the northern part of Washington state with my in laws.
We got a farmhouse Airbnb. And you guys, we saw so much wildlife. We had a family of deer that kept coming to the apple trees and the front yard of the Airbnb and they would stand up on their back legs and eat them, uh, eat all the apples off the trees. It was fun. We even went out and picked apples ourselves and then, um, made some.
Well, my mother in law did and it was super delicious. We also saw a bunch of herds of elk, so that was cool. [00:01:00] Um, and I got to pet a bunch of baby cows at this local farm. It was cute. I almost cried. I love cows. And I'm telling you right now, mark my words, in the next decade, I want to farm. I want a hobby farm, rescuing animals.
It's like one of my things I've always talked about doing. And my parents, when I was little, they would call me Eliza Thornberry and they would say that I could talk to animals. Um, so it's always been something that's like really, really passionate of mine, which leads into a little bit about what I wanted to talk today.
And it's about asking the right questions. Reason why I said that it leads into it pretty well is because there are a lot of people that would just say, oh, I just love animals. That's the end of the story. Instead of saying, what can I do with this passion of mine to make an impact on the world? How can I use these convictions of not eating a certain [00:02:00] or only consuming.
High quality, high ethically sourced products, right? What can I do with that conviction? Why do I have that conviction? Right? Because what I have learned from both my mentors and from my own life experiences are that people are not asking the right questions and they're not asking the questions That are going to empower their healing and are not going to empower them to create a life that they want.
Instead, so many people spend their entire life, either one, not asking a question, but just complaining or just explaining what they're experiencing. Or two, the question. Is surrounding why things happen to them, why people are the way that they are, why they are stuck in this situation. Right? And all of those questions give your power away to [00:03:00] something that is external of you that is out of your control.
Right? And so if you're listening to this podcast, that means that you have this desire to heal, to live a life more abundant, more filled with ease, more healed. And so I want you to start recognizing the power you have just with the words that you use and specifically the questions that you ask. There's so many people like Tony Robbins and my coach James Wedmore who talk about What, how questions impact the quality of life that you have, the quality of information that you receive.
And it's so true. So I want to look at that from a healing perspective and the ability to take radical acceptance. [00:04:00] And I want you to know that this is not me victim blaming. This is not me saying that you can't be upset or have your moments of saying, oh my gosh, why does this keep happening, right?
That's not what I'm saying, but I'm saying how can you acknowledge that the situation sucks, or acknowledge that the situation isn't making you happy, and then ask the questions that can lead you to a path of sustainable change, of insight that takes your power back, because when you acknowledge how much power you have, That is when you can start to consciously create a life that lights you up that is beyond The traditional metrics of success that you've always thought you would have to live up to so what questions are you asking?
And are you even asking questions? So when I originally spoke about how most people don't even ask questions, and they just complain [00:05:00] They're just angry Explaining their side of the story or I'm so frustrated that I'm struggling to pay my bills because inflation is high or My kids are taking all my money or my partner never listens to me and it's making me feel like crap it's like okay for sure you can you can have your opinion of the Existence that you're living.
But if you're just saying that instead of saying how can I Take accountability for my existence Why do you think anything would ever change? So I'm saying, okay, my partner's never listening to me. Have I asked them to change how we have conversations? Have I told them that this is bothering me or am I getting triggered?
Because in the past when I was younger, I never felt like I was heard or valued or listened to. So maybe it's that not [00:06:00] that they're not listening to me, but rather that. I am getting so triggered because of this experience that I first need to address that. That is a completely different way of looking at things to where you then have the power of doing something about it.
And that's all, that's not to say that you're going to be in a situation where you're saying, okay, great. I'm, I've had these conversations, I've told them to listen to me and yet we're still in the same situation. Okay. At that point, then I would say, take accountability for the situation and make a change, right?
Okay. You have the power to consciously create a reality by asking the right questions. And if you can start asking this one question, the question of why you are experiencing the reaction that you are, everything will change. So I want to dive [00:07:00] into the idea of how why can change your life, the word why can change your life, and go beyond just the idea of asking good questions, right? But if we harness the power of asking why, we are going to uncover so many things about ourselves, and it's going to be confronting. It's going to require you.
To do something with information because if you just get the information and just say, well, that sucks. Nothing will change. So only use this hack if you're going to do something about it, because if not, you're just going to subject yourself to frustration. And so when we ask the question, why? We can begin to undercut uncover our triggers, our perceptions.
Our own beliefs that are leading us to the reality that we currently have. [00:08:00] Because unlike most of us have grown up to believe, the fact is, this is going to contradict what I'm about to say, but there are no facts. The fact that there are no facts, it's all a perception of our beliefs. So when we ask why, we're getting clarity, we're honing in on to what we're experiencing.
On to beliefs that we are harboring.
So for example, when I am talking to my partner, I'm saying, I'm feeling like you're not listening to me. I'm feeling like I'm being misunderstood or. I'm not, okay, let me start with a different example. Let's say you're talking to your partner, your spouse, husband, wife, girlfriend, [00:09:00] boyfriend, and you're telling them that them not cleaning the house as much as you do is disrespectful to you.
And if they really loved you, they would clean the house too. Okay. And that in itself is one of the number one things that couples fight about is cleaning. But when your partner hears that, they're saying, what? We just went from cleaning the house to I don't love you and I'm not really respecting you.
And that could tear a relationship apart. That's how parents and children stop speaking to each other. That is how friendships fall apart because we're not asking the right question. We're not getting there. to the bottom of what is really coming up. And instead of saying, why am I getting so triggered that they are not cleaning the house?
Is that because I really feel like I'm doing more than my fair share or [00:10:00] what is agreed upon in our partnership? Is it because I don't feel like they're acknowledging when I do clean things or when I do put effort forward? Those are two very different things. I want them to acknowledge me too. They're not doing their fair share.
Or is it that I'm so freaking stressed this week that I really need them to step up and I feel like they're not stepping up and helping me. And so the only way to get help is to freak out because in the past I felt like I wasn't listened to. And so the only way to get acknowledgement was to throw a tantrum or make a big scene.
Those are all very different things. Things that your body is going through that could lead to you saying that because they're not cleaning the house, they don't love you. But we have to understand why and where it's coming from, from to truly transform the situation [00:11:00] and then to be able to cultivate a conversation, whether with yourself, I'm going to talk to you today about how you can protect yourself with your partner, your children, your colleagues, boss, whatever it may be, but at first you need to ask why are you experiencing that because it will always lead you back to some type of belief or some type of protection mechanism.
Because the one thing you will hear from me over and over and over again is that your brain's number one goal is to keep you alive. And so that means for it to detect threats. And you can say, well, Emily, it was not a threat to my life that my partner didn't clean the house. Well, that is how your freaking brain interprets it.
It either interprets it as safe, secure, we're good to go, or it is a threat. And if that threat is to how much you are loved, heard, cared about, safe in your relationship. That is a threat to your brain because we have reptilian primitive brains [00:12:00] and we have to know that our, while our emotions and our existence have evolved the way that our brain interprets stimuli has not sure.
They're going to be small things here and there, but overall the idea of survival is our brain's main focus. So when we get clear on why we are getting triggered, why we are reacting some type of way, we can start to transform it. So, I want you to start by looking at a situation. that has been bothering you, whether in your personal life, your relationship, your professional life, and start asking, why am I reacting this way?
What is it making me feel? So we've got the, why am I acting this way? Why am I experiencing this too? What is this making me feel? Am I feeling unsafe? Am I feeling frustrated? Am I feeling angry? [00:13:00] All of those emotions will go to show you or teach you something. For many of us, we have never taken the time to say, what is this emotion trying to teach me right now?
They all serve a purpose. So why am I experiencing this? To what am I experiencing in my body emotionally? And then what am I trying to be protected from? What do I fear will happen? And when you can get clear on those things inside of a situation that is driving you absolutely bonkers or that is continually coming up in your relationship or your job with someone that reports to you, you can recognize how human you are.
You're not a superhero. They can just negate emotions or bodily experiences and just get an outcome and strive and [00:14:00] exist in the masculine. There is something that your soul wants you to hear because it just wants you to be safe. You just have to start by asking the right questions. That will change everything.
And another thing that I've experienced with asking these right questions is that it also helps me create not only compassion for myself, but compassion for the other person, because they are also experiencing their own reality because of the way that their brain intentionally interprets stimuli. It's an immediate interpretation.
It's not something like, Oh, let me think about that. Yeah. Because they didn't do that thing, I'm really feeling unheard, and so that makes me feel like I'm going to lose a relationship, or I'm not safe financially. These are not conscious things. So until we take what, which was once unconscious, and turn it into a conscious awareness, by asking the right questions, things will not change.[00:15:00]
And so that is why for those of you that are in traditional ways of healing, therapy, etc. Taking the next layer of what is my body interpreting this stimuli as? How is it showing up in my body? So that I can interpret when I'm experiencing that in other situations, other scenarios. It can continue to develop.
It's not a, oh, I got the insight right now, now I know why, I can immediately resolve it. There are steps to this. Healing is not linear, but man, it is so much easier when we ask the right questions. Because when we ask the right questions, gain the right information. We can sustainably make an action plan or transform our life in a way that is conscious and that is created by us rather than continuing to be controlled by beliefs, [00:16:00] subconscious feelings that we didn't know that we had that we're carrying from childhood or past relationship.
And it's all going to start by asking the right questions. You have so much more power than they would like you to believe. And I truly believe that when we women consciously create a reality that we love bypassing trauma and experiences that no longer serve us, the world heals because when we heal our families heal and when our families heal, it's just a ripple effect and to anyone that we come in contact with.
And that is how the world begins to heal. Taking the first step on you is where it starts. So start by asking the right questions. And if you're saying, Emily, I know I'm being called. to have a different life, to experience something that's more than the current [00:17:00] reality. You're like, I got to redesign this, but I am so scared.
What do people think? I'm crazy. I know I need to do something, but I don't know what the next step is. Then you need to get on the priority list for aligned ambition. I just had the beta launch beta, meaning it was delivered. It's going to be delivered live starting in September. And then I'm going to relaunch it in the winter because I believe in this so much.
And spots went flying even before I opened cart. And so get on the priority list to be the first people to know when it opens. This is dedicated in a letter of love for the highly successful, driven, ambitious women who are tired of defining their life based on external forms of success or traditional forms of success.
And we're going to start by asking the questions of what you really want, what your soul is being called. And then being able to connect the [00:18:00] spiritual and the science to create a sustainable action plan for your life. So that you can align your drive and your ambition to your soul's calling. So you can completely redefine who you are and what you are if you want.
And if you know what you want to be, this is the next steps of cultivating a community that can support you in that. That goes beyond traditional healing. This is an intimate container, and I've made it accessible for women all over the world. So I would love to have you in my winter 2024 launch. If you're listening to this podcast later, then you can go join my priority list for the next time I launch.
The link will be in the show notes, and I would love to have you inside there. Um, and I would also love to have you on my Instagram. I love talking on the stories. It's so fun. I have a defined throat, which is within my human design. [00:19:00] And I love just chatting on there, whatever is lighting me up that day.
Um, so come join me on there. I also share a lot about my Goofy Dogs. If you were watching this on YouTube for the video, you can see one of my dogs, Pretzel, back there with all of his toys. Um, we're sitting in my office. My Golden is laying on the floor, as may. So, I share a lot about my personal life in there, just shared some engagement pictures, just a fun way to connect, share some funny memes as well.
You can find me there, at rise2her on Instagram and TikTok. Um, and as always, I'll be here wherever you're listening to this podcast. I love you. I'm cheering you on. I want you to stand in your power. Cause you are so freaking strong and when you can learn how to harness the power of your mind to consciously create a reality that is beyond your wildest dreams, the world will benefit.
Until next time, I'll see you then. Hop on my priority list for Aligned Ambition winter launch. Love [00:20:00] ya. Bye!
