Quit Confusing Misery With Comfort - 3 questions to ask yourself to get out of your own way
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[00:00:00] Hello, and welcome back to the Rise to Her podcast. If this is your first time joining me, welcome. I'm so freaking glad you're here. I'm your host, Emily, and today we're going to be tackling a really freaking cool topic and something that I think all women need to hear, and this is the three biggest lies women have been told about being successful, and to be honest, I think that these lies are Have perpetuated into people creating lives that they actually hate and then it's a cycle of guilt and shame Because it's a life that externally people think we should be thankful for but in reality We're like, I don't want to live this life and I think it has so much to do With these lies that we've been told that are rooted in capitalism and the patriarchy and white supremacy that lead us to just not like the life that we've created because we bought into this reality [00:01:00] that a lot of us, I think, are starting to reject.
Welcome to rise to her podcast, where we explore the journey of women, rising to the highest version of themselves and embracing a life of ease and alignment. I'm your host, Emily Greenway, a certified mindfulness and life coach with a background in public health. Over the past six years, I've worked with women from all walks of life to help them overcome their limiting beliefs, heal their past and step into a powerful healed version of themselves.
No matter what cards life has dealt you, there is a way to take back control and I'm here to teach you how in this podcast, we'll dive into the art and science of creating a life filled with ease and joy. Join me as we explore practical strategies to rise above mere survival and truly flourish in each episode.
We'll delve deep into the intersection of science and personal experience, uncovering insights to elevate your mindset. And harness the power of your brain from overcoming challenges to unlocking your full potential [00:02:00] rise to her podcast as your guide to co creating a life business and career that brings true fulfillment.
So whether you're looking to thrive in your career, relationships, or personal growth journey, you're in the right place. Get ready to embark on a transformational exploration as we navigate the path to rising to her highest self. Let's go.
So when we become aware of these lies, when we bring awareness to the reality that we've bought into, at that point, um, we'll be able to change it, do something about it. If you haven't listened to this podcast before, um, we're all about empowering high achieving women to create a life that feels as good as it looks.
If you're watching the video right now, um, and not just listening to the audio, you probably see my golden retriever in the background. That's Esme. We're in my office, um, So you'll see the dogs come in and out. I have Esme, um, who's a [00:03:00] seven year old golden retriever. And then, uh, Presley is his government name.
Pretzel is what we call him. Um, but he'll come in and out too. He's a Brindley boy. He's eight years old. He is the best. So how many of you have felt like that? No matter how hard you work, how much you achieve, something is still missing. Today we're going to uncover exactly why that is and how we can begin to redefine success on our own terms.
I graduated with my master's degree at 22 years old. I graduated college at 20 years old, right before I turned 21. Right? So, from the external world, I was doing pretty dang good, right? I was like, accomplishing these goals that the world told me would mean I was super successful. So, then I graduated [00:04:00] school.
I got my first job offer within a few months of graduating. I think I graduated in January. in December, yeah, December of 2018. And so I started work March of 2019. And the first job offer, keep in mind, I have a master's degree that I got. I was, I made 38, 000 doing, um, HIV case management. I loved, loved my clients.
I loved the work that I did, but I was told, Oh my gosh, you're so lucky to get a job. And don't get me wrong, I was. But it was this idea that like, okay, now I should be satisfied. I got a job in my role. Except that, within this income bracket, and having to pay back school loans, I lived in Charleston, South Carolina, I couldn't pay my bills.
So, I started Bartending and so I would do my non profit job [00:05:00] From 830 to 430 and then I would immediately leave and then go and bartend from 5 To like typically 11 or midnight right and that was how I paid my bills Except that when I was exhausted I was burning out in a field that I actually enjoyed But I believed that this was just price and Ambition this was just the way things were I was like, okay Well, this is what I was told would make me happy I guess I just got to grind it out figure it out And one thing about me is your girl will always figure out it figure it out.
I will do more jobs I will find other options, right? We're resilient. We all are if you're listening to this podcast. I know you're resilient I know you can figure things out But I what I want us to start shifting to is that we shouldn't be We don't have to struggle like that to feel like we're making an impact, to do the things that we want to [00:06:00] do.
So it wasn't until I started questioning the beliefs that got me to the reality that I began to understand the true meaning of success and redefine what success was going to mean for me specifically. So let's jump into it. Lie number one. that we need to start rejecting is that you have to grind and over give to be successful.
This idea is rooted in capitalism. Rooted in the fact that you have to give and give and give and give to be able to make a living. And it's also rooted on the backs of people that have had to do the hard work that no one wants to do. So that other people could just sit there and enjoy the roots of their labor.
And this idea specifically comes from a system [00:07:00] that values productivity over people. So there's a few ways that we need to take this. One is that if we are a business owner, if we are someone that is running teams, We need to start valuing people. over productivity. And there have been multiple studies that show us That when you start to do that your productivity actually skyrockets And if you go into it from a health behavior perspective, of course because you're about you're valuing people at their core Which makes them want to work harder and do more for the people that care about them, right?
It's like a cycle And so, if we're the person that's saying, Okay, well, I have to grind, I have to grind, I have to grind, I have to over give, I have to go against my boundaries, and now I'm resenting my boss, my colleagues, my assistant, because they don't respect me. probably a good idea to start saying, well, if I'm reflecting that onto them, [00:08:00] where is that coming from?
Is it because I'm not respecting myself? If I'm not holding true to my boundaries, don't lose me here. Yes, that may be triggering, but everything we see in other people is typically a reflection of ourself. And when we start to resent people because we're so tired, we have to work so hard. I want us to start looking at where we're giving our power away there.
And this brings us to the topic of self care and balance. And self care does not mean that you have to just go and get a massage and like, you know, again, buy into all of these super luxurious ways of self care. And if that is what you want, do it. I enjoy going to get massages. I enjoy doing more luxurious things.
But real self care is going to be your boundaries. As you drinking water, taking a lunch break, going for a walk, because you [00:09:00] grinding, you over giving, is just buying into the idea that your productivity is more valuable than you. And if you break that down to the root, that, that's powerful, and that is literally controlling your life.
You are more meaningful. You are more valuable than your productivity alone. So start acting like it. Start asking where you can implement those boundaries even more. All right. And then I want to leave you with this quote, true success comes from the sustainable effort of prioritizing your own wellbeing.
Your own wellbeing is going to be something that you have to determine for yourself. You have to determine what it will feel like, what it will look like, what your choices will become when you have well being in your life.
Because even the most successful [00:10:00] women will burn out if they don't take care of themselves. Look at the Huffington Post creator. She created this empire. And she had to leave it behind because she burned out. She had to redefine what she wanted. And I can do another podcast on that on a different day and I absolutely will.
But you will burn out. Everything that you want will come crumbling down if you continue to buy into the lie that you have to grind and over give to be successful. Because what is that success worth? What is that outcome worth if you're not even there to enjoy it? If you've rejected everything that you actually care about?
So where are you buying into the lie that you have to overgive and that you have to consistently grind to be successful? Find that, break it down, and start challenging yourself to implement the balance of self care and well being more. Alright, let's go on to lie number two. Success [00:11:00] has to look a certain way.
Societal expectations have created an incredibly narrow definition of success, specifically rooted in white supremacy. We're often told that success is about financial gain, status, external societal validation, but the problem is, is that when people get that, they're still miserable. Look at all of the celebrities, all of these people online who have a have incredibly raised their monetary value, who have all of these assets, who have all these people that know their names, but they're so freaking miserable is because that is not what success was supposed to be, right?
It was supposed to answer all their questions and solve their problems. So before you spend your time buying into the lie, number one of overgiving and grinding, and then, um, Following it up with a success has to look a certain [00:12:00] way. You first need to define how you want it to feel in your body. Success is personal.
It is unique to you. It is about finding true fulfillment in what matters to you. So I want you to ask yourself right now, this is a great place to journal this down. If you were to continue on the path that you're on, if you were to continue to Give the way that you're giving, work the way that you're working, and have the outcome that you're hoping for.
How long do you think you would be able to get it? How long do you think you would be able to keep it up before you burned out? And is that success what you really want? If you say, I don't know, perfect. Dive into that. Ask more questions of why you don't know. Would the way that you're currently feeling be something that you want to perpetuate into your future life?
If no, then there needs to be a change. We [00:13:00] can't expect that this outcome that we're working for will all of a sudden alter how we feel on the inside. So we have to start embodying the success that we want, the lifestyle that we want right now. And get clear on what you want it to feel like. Because I can guarantee a lot of you are not going to want to have to Grind, give yourself, work yourself to exhaustion and give away all of these other things of enjoying time with family, of being able to adventure, of having these vacations, right?
So what do you want success to look like for you? And then define that and then backtrack. Are your actions lining up with the success that you want to create? If no, that's okay. Now you have a place to pivot. You have a place to work off of if you're saying actually this is This is it. [00:14:00] This is like what I want to do Amazing.
How can you start to embody that every single day? I Had one of my coaches asked me a few months ago What does your version of your dream life of your outcome? What are you working for? How would it be different than what you're living today? You I sat there and I had to think on it. And one of the biggest changes was going to be my financial investments and how different I looked at bills and ways that I had to pay for things that was going to be the biggest difference.
But the day to day, the how I lived my life, the how I spent time with my partner, those things were going to remain the same. And I was like, dang, I'm living an incredible life and that reflection, that ability to say, wow, this is the success I have been working for. I'm living it. That has kept me going, kept me aligned, kept me [00:15:00] on pace that when I start to stress about all these things that can come back to you are living a dream.
Yes, there are things that I want to improve. There are different versions of success that I want to reach, but I am embodying it right now. So reflect on your own version of success, redefine it, make sure it matches to what you want. Alright, and then line number three, you must conform to succeed. The pressure of conforming, in my opinion, is about control.
When we conform, when we get people to buy into this idea that you must be this version to be accepted To be better, to be good, to be successful. We are buying into the idea that keeps everyone controlled and working so hard to fit into a box. And when we're [00:16:00] so scared to be seen, when we're so scared to be heard, we're easier to control.
And the pressure to fit into these traditional roles and expectations has led people to completely abandon. their families to completely abandon themselves. Authenticity and individuality will be some of your most important directions to keep you on the path of what success should feel like to you.
It's going to be different for everyone. But when we buy into the idea that professionalism has to look a certain way, sound a certain way. Or that success has to be this one particular thing. We're giving all of our power away to the people that created that definition. And that power [00:17:00] is something that does not have to be given away for you to achieve, for you to live the life that you want.
Requiring people to conform is based in control. We can look at it, especially for minorities, for people of color that have been told that to be professional, you have to be this one way. I'm just, it's bullshit. Like, let's just call it what it is. And it's a way to speak into that white supremacy, that patriarchal definition of success, that masculine production of success.
And it's causing people to hate their lives guys. And so, I'm asking you. To start to question where you've bought into this idea that you must conform, where you've given your power away. And I'm not saying it as in, it's your fault kind of way, but in a, wow, look at where I can take back power. Look at where I can step into my authenticity or I [00:18:00] can be more of myself.
Because when you're able to step into that version of you, into the freedom. That is not so much on, Oh my God, how can I have this level of income? What does this person think about me? But it's, Dang, this feels so good. How would your life change if it started, if your internal thoughts, that noise that goes on inside of your head, shifted from what are they thinking and what do I have to, how good does this feel?
Everything will change then. So I hope that these three Lies that I've brought to light will help you just to start to question. They're not there to stress you out. They're not there to tell you you've done things wrong, but they're just there to offer a different way, a different way to success that feels lighter, that feels sexier, that feels more fulfilling and authentic to you and where you can take back control.[00:19:00]
Because when women take back control of their lives and we consciously rebel against this reality that our culture has given us, man, lives will be changed. Relationships will change. Um, dynamics between parents and children will heal because when more women are living their lives and alignment and within authenticity of their soul and what they're put on this planet to do, the world will heal.
No doubt about it. You have a voice. You have power that they don't want you to know. And I'm here to speak to it. Remember that success does not require grinding and overgiving. It doesn't have to look a certain way and it certainly does not mean that you need to conform. So take some time. Think about how these lies might be affecting you [00:20:00] and what steps you can take.
Cause you have the power to redefine success on your terms, journal it down, reflect on it, and then say, what are the decisions I'm making daily? How can I shift them to align with this? And if you're ready to break free from those lives, lies and create a life that feels as good as it looks, I want to invite you to join my upcoming masterclass aligned abundance.
We're going to go through the reasons why that vision board hasn't worked before. Why you are living a life that you probably don't even enjoy that much and how you can begin to enjoy the day to day How you can effortlessly Manifest the life that you love that feels as good as it looks that when people say dang She's living a dream life.
You can say hell. Yeah, I am You can find the link to register in the show notes and then I have Oh my god, I'm so excited. My new beta launch, and this is Aligned Ambition, specifically for high [00:21:00] performing women, overachievers that are exhausted, that are so tired of working, of grinding, and not enjoying what they're creating.
Maybe you're snapping at your partner or your kids in the morning because you're so tired, you're immediately thinking about what you have to do, what things you need to achieve, I want to offer you a different way, a way that has completely transformed my life, my relationships, my body, everything. And the wait list for that is open.
I'm only accepting 10 people. This is a brand new program, so I'm giving it to you live. I want it to be intimate. So you can find the link to register in the show notes as well. Remember that you have the power to create, create success, redefine success. And create a life that is truly fulfilling, something you enjoy waking up to, something that you treasure.
And you can say, dang, this feels good. [00:22:00] Thank you for being here. If you enjoyed this, I would love for you to give me a review. It really helps, um, if you're watching this on YouTube. Give me a follow. I'm just now starting this channel, so I'm excited for you to be here. Um, make sure that you follow the show so that you do not miss any updates or when I put out any of my episodes.
Thank you so much for being here. I appreciate you. You're amazing. So, do, do amazing things. You're incredible. Alright, bye for now.
Thank you for joining me on this episode of rise to her podcast, where we're dedicated to empowering women to embrace their highest selves and live a life of ease and alignment. If you enjoyed today's episode and want to continue this journey with me, make sure to give me a follow on Instagram at rise to her or on YouTube at rise to her.
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Thank you again for listening until next time, keep rising.
