April 23rd episode
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[00:00:00] Hello, beautiful souls and welcome back to the podcast. Today's episode is going to be juicy and raw. You may notice I have a different background. If you're watching the video, we arrived in, my wife's. Hometown where she grew up and we were staying at her parents' house right now. And I'm in her mom's office.
So you guys know that I live a very NOMA life. It is something I've dreamed of for a very long time, getting to explore the country and we do that. But today, this is something I'm personally moving through right now, so I'm bringing you the behind the scenes of my own process because I know I'm not the only one.
And if this can benefit any of you. Then I wanna share it and I wanna be vulnerable and respond to kind of what's coming out in my own life.
If you listen to my last episode, you know I [00:01:00] shared that I've cried more in the past month and a half that I have. In years I've been making space slowing down, and today I really wanna go deeper into the energetics of emotions, especially for those of us who are high achieving. Impact driven and deeply heart led because what I've come to realize is this, and it's what I wanna unpack with you today.
So many of us negate the power of our emotions. We don't realize how much they actually hold the key to our creativity, to our alignment, and our divine purpose. So today we're gonna talk about the holiness of emotions and how your tears, your rage, your grief. And your joy can be portals for inspiration, for impact, and for soul aligned leadership.
So let's go back to how we were conditioned to shut down. You guys know with my scientific background, I love to explain the sociological and the psychological impacts [00:02:00] that kind of created the conditioning that we're living in today. So let's start with what we were taught. Think about the last time you saw a child throw a tantrum.
What did the adult say? Probably calm down. You're making a scene or stop crying. You're fine. Most of us were shushed silenced, and we were really taught that big emotions were too much. Now, maybe you've seen a more conscious parenting approach where caregivers say, I know you're having big, big feelings.
Can you tell me what you're feeling? It's okay to cry. Those are very different energies, right? But most of us internalized the first approach, and that became our blueprint. If we didn't have it from our parents, we probably saw it in school. Or as we start to navigate the corporate world or a society in which patriarchal conditions are passed on.
To us it was like, don't cry if you want the raise. Don't cry when you're upset at work. Never let them see you cry. The message wasn't, your emotions are [00:03:00] sacred. It was Your emotions are inconvenient, they're embarrassing, they're overwhelming, and that gets carried into adulthood. Especially for those of us who identify as the strong ones, the helpers, the ones who hold it all together.
And if we were conditioned later on in life that that was what you had to do to be successful. It roots in another way, still showing up in our success how we work and how we interact with other people. So I wanna share my story. I wanna share about my trauma response and how my own experiences. Shaped into what I had to eventually deal with in my late twenties.
So I was a very, very emotional child. My parents would probably describe me as sensitive. I used to like break out in hives when I got overwhelmed and eventually I hit a breaking point. I was 15 and one year I went through a car accident that partially paralyzed someone, and three months later [00:04:00] I was sexually assaulted at 15.
There was no space, no tools. No one was helping me process it. So what did I do? I shut it down. I told myself, I can't feel it. This is way too much. It was really overwhelming, and when I did try to express it, I remember other people saying like, well, I've been in worse car accidents, or, that's not really what happened, right?
Other people, it was hard for them to understand what was happening. Much less helped me understand what was happening in my own life. By 18, I went to college. I was in a relationship and I was starting therapy for the first time, and I began exposure therapy. I couldn't even tolerate someone touching me on the shoulder without spiraling into a panic.
We probably all have had some type of relationship where a touch, a sound, a smell will trigger an emotion. That was what it was like when someone would touch me on the shoulder. It felt like I was being held down again. My [00:05:00] nervous system had absolutely no capacity to hold it. I had shut down everything.
And so like many young people in college, people that begin to navigate therapy for the very first time I went on antidepressants, and let me say this, I believe in medication when there is a chemical imbalance, and I had one. But what no one tells you is that numbing. The pain also numbs the joy, the intimacy, the aliveness.
At one point I was on the max dose, and I remember my mom saying, you're like a zombie. And I thought, literally, I thought this good because I was feeling too much. It was way better to feel nothing than to feel everything that was presenting in my life. And so eventually with the support of my providers, I began to lower the dose and build emotional capacity.
And that is really what I wanna talk about today. You do not need to dive head first into your deepest traumas. You just need to begin to build [00:06:00] capacity for the everyday emotions. The ones that are asking to be felt right now, the grief, the sadness, the rage, the joy. These are sacred. These are not roadblocks to your purpose.
They're actually fuel for it. Recently I began working with an embodiment practitioner, Dr. Justin. I'll link him below. But we've been doing somatic and energetic work together, gently opening my system back up to feeling, to experiencing, to holding. And so I wanna break down what's the key to this process.
To be able to expand my container, to embrace the holiness of emotions and allow them to be the fuel I need to really step into my purpose in a more aligned way. So the first thing is, felt safety. Felt safety in a container. With support and not alone. Because if we are doing this completely alone, one, that is not how we were [00:07:00] conditioned to heal as human beings.
From the earliest of times we were in tribes, we were with family, we were with people that we processed, we told stories, we got out of our head and energetically released it. So you must create a sense of felt safety. Who can you share this with? What container can you be involved with? How can you get your body to feel safe?
Number two is pacing, starting small, like I am someone that, my parents used to call me Eliza Thornberry, if you don't know who that is, it was an animated show where Eliza Thornberry could talk to animals and her parents, I can't exactly remember what they did, but they lived in like a bus of some sorts in Africa, and Eliza could talk to the animals.
So my parents would always call me Eliza Thornberry saying they were convinced that I could talk to animals. And I have a deep, deep, deep empathy for animals. Like when I see roadkill on the road, I have cried. And so one of the things that I started doing, because obviously avoiding roadkill is something I [00:08:00] cannot do, but I was just shutting off my own empathetic connection to animals.
So instead of avoiding it, I now pause and say, wow, that's really sad. A life has ended. And this may seem small to you guys, but it is massive because every time I choose to be present with an emotion rather than bypassing it, I begin to expand my energetic capacity. I begin to create space for all emotions to come through.
'cause where I can sit with grief and sadness, I can also welcome more joy, more intimacy, more aliveness. So let's get into the science and energetics here. Emotions are energy and when we don't process them, they get stuck in our bodies. They literally will lodge into our bodies and create energetic blocks, blocks that impact our immune system, our vitality, our relationships, and yes, our businesses.
I was a [00:09:00] very sick child. I was always getting colds. I probably had strep throat. Four or five times a year up until I was five, I had to get my tonsils removed. My immune system was out of whack. Even recently when I was avoiding my emotions, I found myself getting sick constantly, sometimes one to two times a month.
Avoided emotions does not disappear. They metabolize in your body. And for those of us that are holding space for others, for the soul led purpose-driven leaders, whether that's a team, your clients, your family. This, it matters even more because your ability to hold emotions directly correlates to your ability to hold space for your clients, for your creativity, for visibility, for impact, for being able to change the world and be in your purpose.
But talking about emotions, I cannot avoid the topic of shame. So let's talk about shame. Shame [00:10:00] is the lowest vibrational emotion. And the one that is most likely to keep us stuck. For me, one of my biggest areas of shame has been money. Even when I was making six figures, I was living paycheck to paycheck.
Why? Because I didn't trust myself with money. I was self-sabotaging. I believe that having money would make me a bad person. So I hid. I hid the shame. How could I be in this position? How could I be in so much debt, even though I was making six figures? And energetically I was actually repelling the very thing I wanted.
So I'm saying it here out loud to my community to shine a light on it and already I can begin to feel the shame starting to dissolve. As I was making the notes for this podcast, it was literally like a weight was like, ah, it's in the light now I can work with it. I don't have to hide in the closet. And that is what happens when we give our emotions a place to breathe.
They don't have to control us [00:11:00] anymore. They don't have to be something that keeps us small, that keeps us hidden because vibrationally shame is the lowest one, like I said, and it will keep you trapped. It will get you doing things that you never thought that you would do 'cause you don't want other people to know about it.
And when we shine a light on the shame, we realize there's nothing for us to hold there anymore. It was a fear of being rejected, a fear of not being accepted. But being able to shift out of that allows us the opportunity to transform it.
Are you a high achiever, a leader, someone who's always done everything right, played by the rules. But lately you're questioning, is this how it's supposed to feel? You've checked the boxes, built the career, created success that looks great from the outside, and yet something still feels off. [00:12:00] You crave more, more alignment, more peace, more ease, more purpose.
But here's the truth. Fulfillment isn't about doing more. It's about doing what actually aligns with you. And that's exactly why I created M three. The Mindset, magic and Momentum Portal, the most high touch accessible membership for high achievers and leaders who are ready to step into a life. That feels as good as it looks.
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But let's talk about another emotion that especially women and you know, even as I say that men too, we're taught that it's not safe to feel that is anger.
Anger is sacred. It is not something to be [00:14:00] feared or avoided. It's a call to action. Right now, I'm seeing so much injustice in the world, in our political system and the treatment of queer people and how animals are neglected, and my first instinct used to be to shut it off. It's too much. I gotta avoid it.
I can't listen to it. I can't look at it for that anger that I was feeling. It is holy. It is a signal from the divine. And when we allow ourselves to feel it, we can move from reaction to response, from overwhelmed to aligned action. I once had a neighbor who chained their dog up outside all day, all night.
I was livid, so I wrote a letter. I didn't send it, but I wrote it and it was angry and real and raw. And by writing it, I moved the energy. From there, I was able to find clarity. I talked to a different neighbor, asked if there was anything we could do, [00:15:00] and small changes began to happen. The purpose wasn't to stay angry.
It was to move the emotion so that I could access clarity and take aligned action. Now, I want to have a caveat here that if you are in a situation that you feel utterly helpless about, that you feel like there's nothing you can do, I want you. To see where you can shift your ability to choose.
Can you choose not to listen to a particular news station or choose not to engage in that conversation because it's not safe for you to do this? Really, this conversation around anger really rests on the foundation that you are beginning to regulate your nervous system, and if you don't have access to a nervous system regulation tool, I have a 30 day.
Tool that's psychology backed, where we help you go into the nervous system reset, and I'll link that below. But it's really about creating space to begin to regulate your nervous system so you can begin processing these deeper emotions, [00:16:00] increasing your impact and getting more clarity on your purpose and vision.
So how do we finally start feeling again and gently, right? How do we do this? One? We start small. Okay. We start with a level two or a level three emotion, not like a 10 out of 10 trauma. Okay. Let it come up, be present with it. Ask what is this emotion trying to show me? What truth does it hold? What might I do with it after I've honored it?
You do not have to do this alone either. You can do this inside of a safe container, like the ones I hold in M three, which is my private mentorship. Or even on your own with journaling and embodiment. But the key is this, emotions are not distractions. They are sacred portals to your deepest alignment.
And when we process, we expand our impact. When we feel we remember who we are and when we honor our emotions, we [00:17:00] began to create a space for purpose to flow. So my love, what emotion is being asked to be felt today? What sacred Truth is waiting to be seen? And if you're ready to stop performing and start feeling, come join us inside of the M three portal.
Okay, let's zoom out for a second because if you are like most of my clients who are ambitious, high performing, spiritually curious, you're probably wondering, all right, Emily, I get that emotions matter, but how does this actually relate to my business, my leadership, or my ability to create the life that I want?
So let me connect the dots for you. Most people try to manifest or build their business from mental clarity when what they actually need is emotional clarity. You've been building offers, making decisions, leading teams, leading relationships, or mapping goals from a nervous system that is full of suppressed emotion, and your energetic signal is scrambled.
And [00:18:00] you'll attract mismatched opportunities. Clients who mirror your wounds, income plateaus, that feel repeating or success that just does not feel good. And why? Why does this continue to happen to you? Because the frequency you're admitting is fragmented. When you ignore or suppress emotion, you're cutting off your deepest intuitive guidance system and as a manifesting generator with a lot of emotional depth, let me be really clear.
This work of expanding your capacity to feel is the work. It's how we come home to our own power, our own clarity, and stop freaking outsourcing it to everyone else who says it was going to be like this or look like this, or this is how you would get there. So here's what's happening neurologically.
When your nervous system is flooded, your prefrontal cortex, which is that decision making center, shuts down. And your amygdala. I like to point to the back of your brain 'cause that's where it hangs out. Takes over and everything becomes emergency mode, which means you second guess decisions. You [00:19:00] micromanage your strategy or your team or your partner.
You hustle for validation instead of trusting your energy. And that is why I always say emotional regulation is the gateway to intuitive leadership. Because when you can feel your feelings. Without being ruled by them. You unlock clarity, you embody your truth, and you self-trust. And from a spiritual and energetic lens, unprocessed emotions equals blocked energy.
Blocked energy equals blocked creation. If your sacral is trying to initiate something, but you've got resentment, shame, or grief sitting unprocessed in the body, your energy doesn't flow. And so you end up doing more and receiving less. This is especially true if you've been trying to manifest align clients or coworkers call in abundance for a relationship or finances make intuitive [00:20:00] pivots business or life, but nothing feels quite right.
That's not a strategy problem. This is an energetic misalignment caused by unreleased emotions that your nervous system does not yet feel safe holding. Here's the deal. This happens to people from all different types of life. When I first started working right outta graduate school, I worked for the national crime.
I worked for a center that worked specifically with victims of crime. And we noticed, even in the research, it proved that people that had been victims of crime, they started emotionally numbing out. I specifically studied emotional regulation, alcohol and drug misuse after assault. And we saw that their nervous systems became so dysregulated, they were unable to actually create a safe container to process their emotions that all they needed to do was numb out to get through it.
And it doesn't have to be that extreme. 'cause so many of us are doing that in our life. We're numbing out because we have not created a safe. [00:21:00] Container to process our emotions. So let's break it down with three examples. Okay? These are three ways. I see this show up all the time in my client sessions. So let's first talk about in business, maybe you're launching something, and even though you did everything right, it doesn't land.
Why? Because emotionally, you were doubting yourself. You had grief about a past offer that didn't work and didn't clear it. Emotionally aligned launches performed differently because you're able to tap into the frequency of what they need. You're able to respond in a way that is so aligned with your purpose, right, that sells itself and decision making.
In decision making, maybe you're circling around a big life or business decision, but keep second guessing it, not because you know it's the wrong decision. You actually probably say, in my gut, I feel like this is right. But you're second guessing it because your emotional body is [00:22:00] dysregulated because you haven't created a pattern in which you can trust yourself.
And when you emotionally regulate and allow yourself to feel your fear. Your truth becomes obvious, and that is when your authority kicks in and then in self-worth and receiving your set goals. But deep down, you don't believe you're allowed to receive ease, joy, or money without suffering. It's like if it's not working hard, I didn't earn it.
And that emotional resistance repels what you want. The work is not trying harder. It's creating space for your nervous system to feel safe receiving. So some journal prompts for you to integrate this work is what emotion is currently trying to get my attention. What emotions do I feel unsafe feeling, and where did I learn that Maybe you were rejected when you felt these feelings when you were younger or you didn't grow up in a house where it was safe to [00:23:00] process your emotions.
What emotions do I judge in others, and do I allow myself to feel those? If I let this emotion move through me, what wisdom might it hold? What do I not trust myself to handle emotionally, and where can I build safety? You are not broken. If your emotions feel hard, you are not behind. If you've numbed out, you're just a brilliant, high achieving human who's taught, who's been taught.
That your emotions were distractions when they're actually your sacred compass. And when you learn to feel without fear, you reclaim your power, your magic, your clarity, and your joy.
This is where we blend spirituality with embodiment and intuitive knowing so you can lead, create, and thrive without burning out or bypassing your truth. This container's only $44 a month and the link is below. And if you're already in a [00:24:00] business but feeling stuck, maybe you have clarity on your purpose.
Maybe you are already creating impact, but you're like, all right, I wanna go even deeper. I have the strategy, but I really wanna create more abundance, more intuitive knowing. And you really wanna align your energy with your strategy. I invite you into the energetic business consulting. This is where we refine your offers.
We audit your alignment, and we reconnect your soul to your mission. And if you're really ready to go deep, to truly heal, recalibrate, and become the leader your soul came here to be. My private mentorship is open. This is the most intimate space to do your inner work while being deeply, deeply supported.
All links are below, and I'll leave you with this. Your emotions are not in the way. They are the way. I'll talk to you soon. All right, love you. Bye.
Thank you for joining me on this episode of Rise to Her Podcast, where we're dedicated to empowering women to embrace their highest selves and live a life of ease and [00:25:00] alignment. If you enjoy today's episode and want to continue this journey with me, make sure to gimme a follow on Instagram at Rise to Her or on YouTube at Rise To Her Stay Connected for updates behind the scenes insights and more tips on how to rise to your highest self.
Remember, you have the power to co-create a life. Filled with joy and fulfillment. If you haven't already, please subscribe to the podcast and leave me a review to let me know your thoughts. Your feedback helps me tailor future episodes to better serve you. Thank you again for listening. Until next time, keep rising.
