Ep 20: Breaking Free from the Stress Cycle: Understanding Your Window of Tolerance

Season #1 February 07, 2025

In this episode of Rise to Her, we explore the powerful concept of the "Window of Tolerance" and how it can help you break free from the stress cycle. Emily explains what the Window of Tolerance is, how it affects your ability to manage stress, and how understanding your unique window can empower you to navigate life’s challenges with more ease and resilience.

Emily shares practical tools for identifying when you're outside your Window of Tolerance and offers strategies for getting back in. From deepening your self-awareness to incorporating grounding practices, this episode is packed with insights to help you stay centered in the face of stress and overwhelm.

- Episode Notes:
  1. Topics Covered:
    - What is the Window of Tolerance and how it impacts stress management.
    - Signs that you are operating outside your Window of Tolerance (hyperarousal and hypoarousal).
    - The physiological and emotional effects of stress when you're outside your window.
    - Techniques to expand your Window of Tolerance and build resilience.
    - Tools like breathwork, grounding exercises, and self-soothing strategies to regain balance.
  2. Actionable Takeaways:
    - Identify the signs when you’re operating outside your Window of Tolerance (e.g., anxiety, numbing, or detachment).
    - Practice grounding techniques to stay centered when stress triggers you.
    - Reflect on your personal stress triggers and how they push you out of your window.
    - Start using calming techniques like deep breathing, tapping, or mindful movement when you feel overwhelmed.
  3. M³ Membership Details:
    - First live call: February 6th. [JOIN ANYTIME]
    - $44/month for access to the Stress Awareness Challenge, all Rise To Her workshops, healing resources, an expansive integration vault complete with meditations, breathwork, and somatic exercises and weekly journaling prompts.
    - JOIN HERE or email Emily at emily@risetoher.com for support.
  4. Resources:
    - Free meditations, courses, and more at the Rise To Her Freebie Library
    - Follow Emily on Instagram: @risetoher.

Scientific Article Links:

Stress Publications

Episode Transcript

window of tolerance
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[00:00:00] Today's episode is for every high achiever who's ever told themself. I can handle it for the one who keeps pushing even when their body is screaming for rest. For the one who, where stress like a badge of honor. Yes. I'm talking about you. Thing. It's just part of the price of success, but here's the truth.

No one talks about your ability to tolerate more stress. Isn't always a strength. In fact, it might be the very thing. Keeping you disconnected from yourself, stuck in burnout cycles and teetering on the edge of breakdown. You've heard of the fight or flight response, right. But what if I told you there's another layer to how your body responds to stress? Something called the window of tolerance and understanding this could be the key to not just managing stress. But finally breaking free from its control. Because here's the thing when your window is too small, even small challenges feel overwhelming. But when it's too wide, you become numb. Powering through life on autopilot until you crash and for high achievers, the second one is [00:01:00] the silent killer. And you don't even realize you're drowning until it's too late. So if you're tired of feeling like you're either on the edge of burnout or completely disconnected from yourself, this episode is for you. We're going to unpack what the window of tolerance really is, why it matters and how to expand it in a way that actually serves you, not your stress.

Welcome to rise to her podcast, where we explore the journey of women, rising to the highest version of themselves and embracing a life of ease and alignment. I'm your host, Emily Greenway, a certified mindfulness and life coach with a background in public health. Over the past six years, I've worked with women from all walks of life to help them overcome their limiting beliefs, heal their past and step into a powerful healed version of themselves.

No matter what cards life has dealt you, there is a way to take back control, and I'm here to teach you how. In this podcast, we'll dive into the art and science of creating a life filled with ease and joy. Join me as we [00:02:00] explore practical strategies to rise above mere survival and truly flourish. In each episode, we'll delve deep into the intersection of science and personal experience, uncovering insights to elevate your mindset.

And harness the power of your brain from overcoming challenges to unlocking your full potential rise to her podcast as your guide to co creating a life business and career that brings true fulfillment. So whether you're looking to thrive in your career, relationships, or personal growth journey, you're in the right place, get ready to embark on a transformational exploration.

As we navigate the path to rising to her highest self, let's go.

Have you ever felt like you're either overwhelmed by stress, or just completely numb to it? Like, your emotions are either at full volume, and you're going to lose it if someone says one more thing, or you just completely shut off. Maybe you want to cry, or you want to feel something, but you just are numb.

[00:03:00] Maybe you're somebody that pushes through stress, convincing yourself that you can handle more, you got this. Maybe you think you don't have the luxury of slowing down. I hear that a lot. But then one day, your body gives out. Your mind crashes. And you feel yourself wondering, How did I let it get this bad?

If any of that feels familiar, then today's episode is for you. Because we are diving deep into the concept of your window of tolerance for stress. What it is. How it determines your ability to regulate your emotions and productivity and most importantly why high achievers like us often expand our window so far that we actually disconnect from ourselves entirely and therefore shutting off access to that higher self.

And trust me, understanding this could be the key to breaking free from the burnout cycle and finally feeling like you again. [00:04:00] So, let's jump into what is the window of tolerance. So, the window of tolerance was coined by Dr. Dan Siegel. And the window of tolerance is the range in which your nervous system can handle stress without becoming dysregulated.

So, it's what, it's the stress that you can handle without feeling Like, oh my god, I'm so stressed, right? And so when you're inside of this window, you feel capable, you feel present, you feel adaptable. And you can navigate these challenges without shutting down or feeling like you're really overwhelmed.

But what happens when it's too small? If our window of tolerance is too small, and we've all met people like this, maybe that's us, our nervous system becomes hypersensitive. Meaning that even the small stressors can trigger us into fight or flight response. Symptoms like [00:05:00] anxiety, emotional outbursts, chronic stress, difficulty concentrating, feeling like you're always on edge.

And this is really common for people who experience chronic stress or trauma because the body is constantly bracing for impact. It's saying, um, something always bad is going to happen, so I'm always looking out. I'm always waiting for the ball to drop. Okay? So, That's what happens when it's too small. We cannot experience any type of stress without feeling anxiety, without having emotional outbursts, without feeling like we're being triggered.

And then on the other side of the same coin is when the window of tolerance is too large. And why high achievers often follow it, fall into this trap. Because instead of reacting strongly to stress, what happens is you start pushing through it, convincing yourself, well, this [00:06:00] is just how life is. Or, I don't have the luxury of getting stressed out by everything.

So, some common symptoms of someone having a window of tolerance that's too large would be numbness, disconnection from emotions, inability to rest. Powering through, and if you're just listening to the audio I'm doing like quotes, powering through everything even when you're exhausted. And so this is when you start to normalize stress in high pressure environments, so much so that you no longer recognize when your body is signaling for a break.

The thing is, there are always going to be times when we do need to. We get through a really stressful moment, but it's coming back to homeostasis, to regulation that keeps our window in balance. [00:07:00] But when we either respond too quickly or don't respond enough, it shifts into too small or too large. And we're either burnt out, exhausted, numb, so anxious.

That we feel like we're constantly on a hamster wheel. And so let's dive into how we can begin to expand. So let's talk a little bit about why high achievers, why overachievers expand their window of tolerance too much. So this really centers around the overacclimization, the overacclimization.

Acclimatization. This really is about becoming over acclimated to stress, right? We have to acclimate to stress to a certain degree, especially when we're in leadership roles or we have demanding [00:08:00] jobs. But the problem becomes when we become too acclimated to stress. Because high achievers specifically often don't realize that their stress tolerance has become unnaturally high.

Now, that is not to say that you aren't having symptoms of a window of tolerance being too large. Because if you ask people in your life, they will likely say, well, you're always on edge. You typically, you know, you, maybe you get a bad attitude with your partner at the end of the day, always. Or your kids are always like, wow, she always snaps, right?

You know that there are symptoms there, so that's part of, you know, the awareness. But it really becomes the fact that we're saying our stress tolerance is so high. Again, it doesn't mean you don't have symptoms, but it's just saying your stress tolerance has become unnaturally high. Because you've trained your [00:09:00] nervous system to handle more, end quotes.

Because, because you think, because we have been conditioned to say the only way to achieve is to deal with it all. But that leads to burnout, that leads to disconnection from self. So just because you can handle more doesn't mean you should. A really common example that we see is with athletes. So athletes training through injuries and just because they can doesn't mean that it's healthy, right?

Healthy meaning like their baseline of supporting their body. And really looking at the longevity and the quality of existence. That's what we're talking about here, folks. We're talking about just because you can doesn't mean that that should be the way that you strive to live your life, right? And so if you're having these symptoms of [00:10:00] emotional overreaction, um, feeling really disconnected, feeling really hypervigilant, any of those things, that is a sign that either your window is too high or too low.

And so when your window is too wide, what we see happening is that you stop recognizing your own needs. This is the disconnection problem. And you probably feel like you can handle everything. Or, I have to handle everything. Maybe you're like, oh, I wish I didn't have to, but I do. But in reality, what's happened is you've just stopped listening to your body's signals.

So some common signs that you're in this category is that you only stop when your body physically forces you to. So you're not taking rest unless you are sick. You have an emotional breakdown. You're extremely fatigued, right? So that would be a really clear sign that you're in a disconnection problem.

Second [00:11:00] symptom of this is that you've convinced yourself, this is just how life is. I have to keep going or no one will, no one else will do it. That's just how life is. And then finally, the last sign that we're going to talk about is that you've often will feel numb or detached, but you can't pinpoint why.

I don't know. I just don't really have many of emotions or I don't know. I just never cry. Even when I'm really sad. Because we're buying into this myth of handling it all. Because we're celebrating, we're wearing this stress tolerance as a badge of honor. We're saying, I can do it all. I can take care of myself.

I can control, it says, need to control things to such a degree. That we're actually ignoring the really big sign saying, I need to help [00:12:00] myself. So what I need you to hear is just because your nervous system has adapted, doesn't mean it's thriving. Right? And here, I rise to her. This is all about stepping into that highest version of yourself, creating a life that you consciously love, that sets your soul on fire.

Because if you've been questioning, is this all that there is, will it always have to be like this, then that is your highest self saying, hey, pay attention. Things can be different. We don't have to feel like we're just surviving. So, how do we begin to recalibrate our window of tolerance? The first step is we need to learn our stress patterns.

This is what we're doing inside of week one of our Stress Awareness Challenge on M3, and if you haven't joined us yet, you can join any time, um, and the link will be in the show notes, but step one, we're learning our stress patterns. [00:13:00] So, are you someone whose window is too small, constantly overwhelmed, or too large, you're numb and disconnected?

We're beginning to pay attention to how we react to stress. Do you feel things intensely or not at all? Right? We want to start to learn what our stress patterns are. We want to understand what the symptoms of our stress are. I know for me, when I am super, super, super subconsciously stressed, I actually get really itchy.

I have a histamine reaction. But it's really when I'm subconsciously stressed, when I'm very consciously aware of what's going on, I don't have that reaction. But when I'm subconsciously stressed, I have a histamine reaction and I know that now. And so now that's something that means, hey, I need to create a lot of space.

I need to really deeply take care of myself, nurse myself, um, provide medicine for myself in, um, or resource myself in a way that [00:14:00] feels deeply true to me. Because something is going on.

So step two of recalibrating, our window of tolerance is going to be creating pause points.

Hi, she was at specially really struggled with stillness. We have a constant input. Her everything coming in, whether it's social media work, family. And we really struggle with stillness. So I want to encourage you to start small. Today set a two minute check-in timer. Throughout the day.

And when that timer goes off, I want you to say, how do I feel right now?

Where am I feeling? These experiences. It's my chest height. Or my shoulder raised. You can even journal for three minutes in the morning. Am I pushing through stress or am I actually okay. Uh, beginning to ask the question, creating really small [00:15:00] pulse points to check in. This is not about an overhaul of how we've done everything.

This is about sustainable transformation.

Step three is going to be reconnection with our body. If your window is too small, again, that constant overwhelmed. Practice nervous system regulation, like breath, work movement, tapping. We have a lot of integration exercises inside of M three, but a really easy one could be just a box breath. So just imagine the size of a box.

So all four equal links inhaling for four. Holding for four. Excelling for four, holding for four and continuing that reconnecting with your body. If your window is too large. Creating moments of stillness when you can begin to actually listen to your body. When we disconnected. That part of self, we have to cultivate the relationship again, we have to get our body to start to trust us again because we've silenced them for so long. [00:16:00] She just like a child that maybe. Has been ignored and they say, well, my knees don't matter. So I'm not going to speak up for myself.

That's what happens when we ignore our body. Right. It'll still try to chirp in here and there. Or it'll create a really intense reaction, like emotional burnout completely, or having a breakdown. Right. But this is about cultivating a connection of trust. Again. So creating moments of stillness, where you can actually listen to your body.

And then step four of recalibrating, your window of tolerance. I would be redefine productivity for you. High achievers often equate more stress with more success. If I'm more stressed, that means. I have more control. If I have more stress, that means I'm doing a good job. If I have more stress, that means I'm going to make more money.

A really simple shift for this perspective. Is your ability to rest is [00:17:00] just as important as your ability to perform. So I want you to begin to challenge yourself. Instead of asking how much can I handle start asking? How well am I taking care of myself?

When we start to cultivate. A window of tolerance that's is supportive of that higher self. We see every, every. Area of our life began to shift. Welcoming that abundance welcoming. That life that sets our soul on fire. So to wrap it up, your window of tolerance is what determines your ability to handle stress without becoming dysregulated. That's too small. Everything feels overwhelming. But if it's too large, you're disconnected and you push through until you crashed and yeah, you can have different windows of tolerance depending upon the situation. Both are just survival strategies, but neither of them are so sustainable. Because here eyes to her [00:18:00] were about going beyond mere survival and stepping into that highest version of self. And if you've fallen. And if you've been feeling. Like stress is just normal for you. This is your wake-up call. Just because you've learned. To tolerate stress doesn't mean you should live in it.

I want you to take one action today. I want you to start noticing. Whether you're in your window or out of it. And if you realize that you've been running on autopilot for too long, this is your invitation. To slow down. And reconnect with yourself.

If this episode resonated with you, send me a DM on Instagram at rise to her. I would love to hear your thoughts. And if you're ready to go deeper into healing, reclaiming your nervous system would love to invite you to M three mindset. Magic and manifestation, which is my. Healing [00:19:00] membership where we really have, um, Where we go in, we have live calls. By monthly, we have an integration vault.

And right now we're walking through this stress awareness challenges is about cultivating a community of like-minded folks who are dedicated to their healing. Want to create an inclusive and accessible space that scientifically grounded and spiritually supported to really help you integrate today's hottest topics into your life.

Because I designed this specifically for people who are tired of living in survival mode. And are ready to experience peace and success at the same time. Share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it. I would so greatly appreciate it. And if you liked it, if you could give me a review, wherever you're listening. And remember you do not have to keep pushing through. You deserve to feel safe. Grounded. And ease in your own life. See you next time.

I'll rise to her where we [00:20:00] blend science and solid to create real lasting change. Bye.

Thank you for joining me on this episode of rise to her podcast, where we're dedicated to empowering women to embrace their highest selves and live a life of ease and alignment. If you enjoyed today's episode and want to continue this journey with me, make sure to give me a follow on Instagram at rise to her or on YouTube at rise to her.

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Ep 20: Breaking Free from the Stress Cycle: Understanding Your Window of Tolerance

Episode Notes:

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